With Susan Czyzo and Jaisa Sulit, hosted on Sunday April 28.
Summarized by Stephanie Molloy.
Image of hands holding a felt heart. Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern: https://www.pexels.com/photo/crop-woman-with-heart-on-palms-5340280/
We started this workshop by welcoming everyone into the (digital) space, and emphasizing the idea that we are all sitting in a circle as equals to learn from each other - not with Susan and Jaisa sitting at the front of a classroom lecturing the group.
When the group was asked “what is compassion?” many ideas came up - understanding, love, caring, openness, listening to yourself, kindness, slowing down, giving self grace during difficult times, curiosity. We were setting the tone for a wonderful hour and a half together.
From this word splash Jaisa highlighted “difficult times” - this is one of the keys to compassion. As the Dalai Lama said “compassion is the wish that all sentient beings may be free from suffering”.
Compassion has key steps to getting started. First we must mindfully acknowledge that there is suffering/overwhelm/challenge/struggle, only after this acknowledgement can we then wish to be better and be free. For many, inability to make this mindful acknowledgement can be a big barrier to self-compassion, we have to accept that we are struggling first.
Image that reads: Sympathy - I hear you. Empathy - I feel you. Compassion - I hold you. Self-compassion - I hold myself.
Sympathy is a purely cognitive experience - on a mental level you get it and understand.
Empathy is that cognitive experience plus an embodied somatic feeling - you can feel what another person is feeling.
Compassion is both of these things - cognition and embodiment - plus the ability to hold yourself. Compassion includes comforting yourself and regulating your nervous system, so that you can then hold another.
Therefore, it is easy to get burnt-out and feel emotionally fatigued from being too empathic - always feeling the pain and suffering from those around you. However there is no such thing as compassion fatigue, because with compassion we are caring for ourselves. This is why the understanding and distinction of the two is so important, especially for those working in caring fields.
Image that reads "Feeling empathy burnout is a sign we are not including ourselves in our care" - Jaisa
Image that reads: Empathy and Compassion. Empathy - activates neural systems and associated with pain and negative affect. Compassion - Activates neural systems associated with positive affect, ie love, care, and safety. Biologically, self compassion is rooted in the care system, so it is safe and has protective factors. (Tania Singer, 2020)
Someone in the group asked for further clarity on what empathy vs compassion could look like, and Jaisa shared this example:
Someone tells you about a loss they recently had…
Empathy: you feel for them, mimic their facial expressions, you feel sad and bad inside
Compassion: you may add some physical touch and reassurance, rub your heart or hold yourself, intentional deep regulatory breathing, the sadness you felt for their loss lessens its hold on you
The root of this presentation, and how to take care of ourselves especially through emotionally challenging times, is self-compassion. Self compassion is “…compassion directed inward, relating to ourselves as the object of care and concern when faced with the experience of suffering.” (Neff, 2003a)
Image that reads: 3 components of self-compassion. Mindfulness - allows us to acknowledge and be with painful feelings as they are without judgement. Common Humanity - seeing own experience as part of larger human experience, and not isolating oneself or labeling as abnormal. Self-Kindness - treating self with care and understanding rather than harsh judgement. (Neff, 2003b)
An essential tool in your self-compassion toolbox is “languaging” within these 3 components. Jaisa shared with us these examples for each component:
Image that reads: Languaging. Mindfulness - “I’m not okay.” “I’m struggling.” “I’m having a hard time.” “This is a moment of suffering.” “This really hurts.” “Ouch!” “I’m experiencing a very stressful moment.” “I’m overwhelmed” / Common Humanity - “I’m human!” “I’m not the only one who experiences this.” “Suffering is a part of living.” “I am not alone.” “This is how it feels when a person struggles in this way.” “Others are just like me.” “We all struggle in our lives.” “My struggles are not unique to me because suffering is part of the human condition.” / Self-Kindness - “May I be kind to myself.” “May I accept myself as I am.” “May I forgive myself.” “May I trust myself.” “May I be kinder to myself.” “May I prioritize my needs better.” “May I give myself what I need.”
To help us understand deeper, Susan guided everyone through a mindfulness practice focusing on: 3 anchors: sound/listening, body scan, thoughts with sky and cloud visualization.
Videos from Susan’s YouTube channel offering similar practices:
- Mindful Check-in with our Body, Breath, & Thoughts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VmU0NXdeoI
On reflection the group was asked How can we take mindfulness forward into our lives? Some suggestions came up:
- Trying to take a moment before and after clients (especially more challenging ones) to take a few conscious breaths
- Trying to use the 3 groundings of compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self kindness more often! The languaging Jaisa shared is a great starting place
- I think taking a pause is a good start for me.
Next, Jaisa guided everyone through a self-compassion practice focusing on soothing touch, affectionate breathing, and compassionate language.
Similar practices can be found here: https://centerformsc.org/free-meditations-practices/
The reflections from this practice included:
- I often facilitate similar practices for other people - it felt nice to be guided, it felt like I was allowing myself to be cared for
- The beginning was very calming and relaxing. As we got towards the end, I teared up a bit as I realized that I’m not very kind to myself & this taught me a way to be kinder to myself
- That was powerful for me. It felt like I was forgiving of myself after a very long time
- I see myself using soothing touch and the languages.
- I appreciate the 3 components and being able to acknowledge how I am feeling and how to improve self-talk.
We wrapped up the workshop by discussing how we could move forward. We had just come together to learn as a community - and now we were about to go our separate ways. So what are some next steps for us all?
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